Lands End

The Penzance B&B was a little odd, and we ate breakfast surrounded by
huge piles of biscuits, cases of salad cream and assorted edibles. To
get to the toilet involved squeezing past a vast stack of toilet rolls
and enough disinfectant to clean a prison for a year. Is it really
possible that Paul's toilet habits had become that widely known in the
B&B community ?

The 10 miles to Lands End was again in rain and fog and felt quite
tough. We saw a few people starting as we rode in but they all seemed
too focussed on the task ahead to say much. We got a tourist to take a
picture at the finish line, took some for a group who were just
starting, and then sprinted back to Penzance for the 11am train - and
it did seem much easier going back, so maybe we did do it the wrong
way round !

Stats: Total - 942 miles. Just under 11 days. 4 punctures. Glad we
have done it, but never again !

To Penzance - nearly there

We got away from Okehampton around 8.15. Another slow start as we seem
to take a long time to warm up now. Paul is having problems with his
heel and I am now having ibuprofen for breakfast to help with my
knees. It was relatively easy to the coffee stop in Launceston, using
a cycle trail, the old A30 and then a short section of the new A30.

We then decided to use the A30 across Bodmin Moor to get to Bodmin.
This was horrible, with very heavy traffic so we dropped the A30 at
Bodmin and headed for St Austell and then Truro. At one point the road
was closed for a very serious accident but the police allowed us to
walk through once one of the victims had been taken to the helicopter.

The rain had been coming down quite hard all day and from Truro it
became constant, fortunately stopping for just long enough for Paul to
fix another puncture - this time in the front tyre. We had wasted 30
mins in a Tesco cafe in Truro trying to find a B&B, but remote
assistance from Anita finally found one in Penzance - which was still
about 27 miles away. We finally got there about 9pm, soaking wet and
very cold. A hot shower, a few beers and a curry made us feel a lot
better. We are nearly done .....

Stats: 102 miles. Average 12.1. 1 puncture. Knees now protesting.

To Okehampton

We left Peasedown around 8.15. Seeing me in a borrowed silk paisley
dressing gown affected Paul badly and it took him 30 minutes to build
his speed up.

Despite the hilly approach, our departure was reasonably gentle and we
descended in to Wells feeling good and with the full sun on Wells
cathedral. It would have been a great place to stop but we delayed the
coffee until Glastonbury, which even has alternative window cleaners.
The guy doing the coffee shop seemed to be gearing up for an all day
job. And ordering two coffees and two cakes from a wasted barista with
zero short term memory was a real challenge.

We are very happy to confirm that the Somerset Levels are in fact
level. Although a head wind did affect us throughout the day. Next
coffee was Tiverton, where two very helpful older lady cyclists gave
us some route suggestions which worked out very well. They were
serious cyclists who clearly regarded us as slightly retarded
amateurs. Their assurance that we wouldn't even need the small gear
ring was hopelessly wrong and we refuse to accept that women in their
60s could embarrass us that badly. We are therefore convinced they
were evil spirits wearing down innocent cyclists for fun.

Next stop Crediton. A motorcycle shop full of 70s classics which
distracted us for a while.

It was a long slow ride. I am now popping Ibuprofen and Paul's ankle
is making him hobble like an old man. Appropriate I guess !

Stats: 100 miles. Average 12.8. About 100 miles left to go, but
Cornwall is supposed to be very hilly. We will probably aim to do
about 80 miles tomorrow, leaving a short finish and a sprint to
Penzance station on Saturday.

Thorverton , Devon

The photo of me has Paul's thumb right across the lens, so I am
deleting his pictures and just posting the scenic shot.

In to Avon #2

Part of previous post cut off due to tech issue ..... Continues as
below; We weaved in and out of Wales down the Wye valley. B......, S...... and hilly. Across the Severn bridge, but no photo of Paul as he won't stand near the edge. Through Bristol, which was very busy and with some very aggressive drivers, and heading to Peasedown St John for a night with relatives. This involved some absolutely brutal hills but we made it by 3.30. The local village pub had an English and Filipino menu and we decided to go foreign on the basis that the Filipinos definitely weren't responsible for the hills. Possibly the only time all day when we had two alternative routes and chose the right one. Thanks are due to Mike and Jane for being so hospitable - its a lovely spot.
Stats: 72 miles. Average 13.6. Way too many hills.

In to Avon

Catch up time. Yesterday was very scenic and very beautiful. We no
longer like scenic and beautiful because, at least in England, these
words tend to be accompanied by words like rolling HILLS. Cheshire may
well be flat but Shropshire and Herefordshire are not !

We had trouble finding a decent pint of beer in Hereford in the
evening but maybe the walk was good for us. The Green Dragon hotel in
the centre of town is cheap and architecturally gorgeous with a very
good value breakfast but seems to be caught in that spiral of decay
caused by lack of investment due to the big chains finding it cheaper
to build new sites out of town. Still, it is highly suitable for E2E's
on a budget - same price as a Premier Inn but central and with a real
period feel.

We were on the road again before 8 heading for the Severn Bridge.
Beautiful, scenic and HILLY again. Coffee in Monmouth after an awful
hill at Llancloudy. The women seem to be getting more attractive, but
maybe we have been on the road too long.

Ludlow

Some beautiful places and some tough hills. Made it to Hereford but
too tired to post a full report right now. Will try to catch up
tomorrow.

Stats: 99 miles. Average 14.1.

Weight

Why am I so much faster down every significant gradient when Paul
weighs at least 2 stone more than me ? He refuses to disclose precise
weights. My aerodynamics must be much better ?

Why do so many snails try to cross the road ? And do any make it ?

To Cruddington - Cheshire

Repeat performance from the weather - threatening showers all day but
rarely delivering. A few light headwinds but nothing to worry about.
We started slow as Paul's muscles and my knees seem to take time to
warm up. However, Costa's in Lancaster finally stopped Paul whingeing
about the lack of cake. We therefore ended up having a sandwich lunch
in Costa's in Preston before pushing on. The A49 was a great route and
we were flying. But then I got a puncture near Wigan and got stung by
something nasty as soon as I stopped. We changed the tube in record
time but were delayed by the nutters we seem to attract - bearing in
mind that we were on the A49 and busy changing a tyre, a long
description of how we could go up past the chip shop, do a zig-zag, go
behind the bookies, through the park and then get on the A49 left me
dumbfounded. So I assured him I understood every word whilst thinking
"why don't I just stay on the A49..... Leave me alone ! "

We made great progress through the afternoon and are intending to try
for a big day tomorrow. The waitress in the pub was a little confused
by our rehydration strategy of ordering 4 pints at a time to avoid
delays - we assured her that our 2 friends were on their way but
wouldn't be eating.

Stats: 90 miles. Average 14.6. 1 puncture. 1 insect attack.

Times Paul dropped my uninsured Iphone on a hard surface : Once

Times he will ever touch it again : Nil.

To Kendal

A much better day - at least for me. We left Lockerbie in the rain
which was forecast to last all day, but in fact it cleared up quickly
and we only got a couple of light sprinklings all day. It was a very
easy and pleasant ride to Carlisle where we had coffee and a panini.

The next section in to Penrith was also great, but Paul started
bonking. These Northern lasses .... But seriously, he had emptied the
tank completely - which was what happened to me yesterday. I think he
is quite pleased to share an affliction with endurance athletes. We
tried to cure it with a steak and ale pie at a pub in Penrith and then
decided to check whether it worked by riding up Shap Fell, which we
think will be the highest point on the trip at over 1,500ft. He is not
convinced it was a complete success but declined the offer to eat a
burger and try it again.

I tried to beat the speed record on the way down and failed miserably.
I can't move my legs fast enough to pedal beyond about 37mph and the
gradient only upped that to 39. It was then generally downhill to
Kendal, where we celebrated by eating traditional English food -
dansak and dupiaza.

Stats: 80 miles. Average 13.7.
Observations: 1. English cows smell much worse than Scots cows. 2. Is
telling your friend that you have decided not to let your new
boyfriend pursue his unnatural sexual practices really appropriate if
done loudly on a mobile when you are having Sunday lunch with your own
2 young daughters ? Hmmm.....

Do I look fat in this ?

Back in England - Paul

To Lockerbie

A difficult day. We got off to a late start as Paul rechecked and
fixed his tubes and tyres. We took advantage of the Travelodge being
on a retail park - the bikes were filthy so we washed them off at the
petrol station and Paul got his tyre back up to full pressure at Evans
Cycles.

We were on the road about 10.15 - out past Ibrox Park and some type of
Orange style march getting started. We headed for East Kilbride in
lovely sunny weather. My bottle cage collapsed but fortunately the
bottle didn't get crushed by the car behind. The cage was replaced at
Halfords 10 minutes later. The route was much hillier than we
expected, but improved as we headed to Strathaven - an attractive
small town. We then reached the B road which runs parallel to the M74
and things started getting very tough - still hilly, with strong
headwinds which made it tough even going downhill. There were a few
light showers which made it even more grim. Luckily the last 20 miles
or so were mainly downhill - I was wasted by then so was very grateful
for that. Also, for the first time, my saddle feels like a medieval
torture device. Nasty.

We will be out of Scotland tomorrow morning. Everyone has been so
helpful that we feel obliged to thank all the B&B landladies, Kyle who
drove us up to JoG, Chris at Travelodge for looking after our bikes,
Evans Cycles in Braehead, the charity raincoat man in the Landrover
and particularly the cyclist who guided us all the way from Govan to
Braehead when we got lost. The beer in the Highlands was excellent and
we are willing to accept that we probably chose the wrong places in
Glasgow and Lockerbie.

The pic may look a little grim but it seems appropriate as it was only
taken as an excuse to escape the wind for a few
minutes.
Stats: 81 miles. Average 13.1. 2 very tired cyclists.

Correction

Paul was not emotional. He was just very cross. And he only considered
throwing his bike in the river once.

Unquote. Armlock removed.

To Glasgow - a difficult day

Much to Paul's satisfaction, his dribbling friend was right. The climb
was long but quite gentle. However, he failed to warn us that the wind
would be in our faces the whole way - leaving us in bottom gear
anyway. Still, great scenery yet again.

We were caught by a Scot on a bright orange single speed bike who
apparently did this route both ways regularly. Impressive stuff. We
also saw a few LEJOGers going the other way. All went well until the
heavens opened about 3pm - we were halfway along the West Lomond cycle
path, which is a very attractive ride and avoids the heavy traffic.
There were no free coats today though - we donated the freebies to the
walkers B&B we stayed in last night.

The off road plan continued but we ended up getting horribly lost in
Glasgow. Paul had 2 punctures and got very emotional. And then we got
lost again. Govan is lovely. If you are an extra from Mad Max.

We got to a Travelodge about 8.30. The pub next door had no real beer
and was full of 18 yr olds on hen nights. With their grandmothers.

Stats: 103 miles. 13.2 average. 2 punctures. Several monstrous
tantrums. ( Paul ).

Glencoe soon

Raring to go so we can beat the rain over Glencoe but we are too early
for breakfast so killing time watching the coffee machine filling up.
A guy in the pub last night said he used to ride it all the time
before he got his driving licence. In fact, he said it many times.
Paul seems reassured by this. I remain sceptical - I am not convinced
that dribbling while you talk counts as multitasking or evidence of
reliability.

Still, we will know soon - climbing for about 9 miles and then
hopefully freewheeling all the way to Glasgow.

Day 3 - Ballachulish

This was expected to be a fairly easy riding day, and it went almost
according to plan. The morning was gorgeous and when the heavens did
open we were right outside a restaurant - so we had a snack while a
very heavy shower passed over. When we got going again traffic on the
A82 was still light and we made good progress.

We turned on to the B8004 - very quiet and scenic. But it rained again
and we hid under a tree watching the odd local going past in their
Land Rovers. We must have looked in dire need of help, as one took
pity of us and gave us two charity waterproofs on the basis that we
pass them on to another needy soul when we are done. They look awful
and we haven't yet got the nerve to post a picture.

The A82 between Fort William and Ballachulish was awful - heavy rain
and lots of impatient drivers. But we made it and the pub is calling
us right now .....

Stats: 69 miles. 14.6 average. Gained 2 dodgy raincoats. ( yesterday
was only 73 miles, not 77. Beer affected my memory ).

Caledonian Canal

Fort Augustus

We left Drumnadrochit about 9 after a leisurely breakfast. The A82
along Loch Ness is undulating, very scenic and was carrying very
little traffic. This pic is at Invermorrison. A walker also took one
of me and Paul and damn near got himself killed by stepping backwards
off the kerb in front of a 4wd doing about 40mph. I was quite
concerned - he had my new I-phone in his hand at the time.

Day 2 - Drumnadrochit

Intended to be a fairly easy day, with a full day to do a similar
distance to yesterday - and it started out that way. We took a few
detours to get off the A9 and enjoy some minor roads. After tea and
scones in Tain we got lost a bit but recovered for a loop via
Invergordon and then lunch in Dingwall, where the local bike shop lent
us a pump and we picked up a valve adaptor - just in case. The last 7
miles or so after Beauly were much tougher than expected, with some
serious climbing and a hairpin littered descent which scotched any
attempt on the speed record.

Paul pursued his key hobby over lunch - teasing old ladies. She was in
her 90s and was very concerned to hear that we were worried about
riding along Loch Ness because of the monster. He was relieved to hear
that it's just a story and we were perfectly safe. Phew....

We had a good meal and several more beers. Only slightly sobered up by
the chef trying to remove a tick from his dog with a fork from the
kitchen. Nice.

Stats: 77 miles. Average 14.5. Several dead foxes and a pine marten.

Cycling fashion # 2

Cycling fashion # 1

Here we have Kevin modelling the sunburnt knees look. This works best
when wearing a shorter pair of shorts than the day before, producing
an attractive white contrasting stripe. Unfortunately our model failed
to take the same approach with the red arms, preferring the " I've got
sunburn and I don't care look "

Ospreys and underpants

After a few beers and some food at the Sutherland Inn we got a very
good nights sleep at the B&B. A hearty breakfast saw us on our way
around 8 am. Today the plan is to take it easy and build our legs. All
our bits appear to be in good working order so far.

To Brora

Sleeper train went well and Kyle met us with his Transit. We were at
JoG for noon and set off in to the mist. That cleared after an hour
and we were riding in glorious sunshine. Lunch at Tesco in Wick - no
expense spared ! The roads were great - fairly flat and quiet. We both
managed to stay off the small ring until Dunbeath. And it was uphill
from there on .... Berriedale Braes is a little easier heading south
but still a challenge. We then got rained on So now wet and
sunburnt. Stats today : 67 miles. Average 14.9. Top speed record :
43mph - currently held by Kevin, who wasn't even pedalling.

Detail route for the first 4 days

30th June

1st July


2nd July


3rd July

The bikes, and stuff....

Kevin: Cannondale R200 CAAD 2, bought in Bermuda about 1998 and still in good condition as it hasn't seen a great deal of use. Shown here wearing the Topeak RX beam rack I am intending to use for the one small pack I will take. The Look pedals have now been swapped for my mountain bike SPDs so that I can take just one pair of shoes and still manage to cross the road to the pub. 

Many thanks to 53-12 in Colchester for checking my bike fit and making a few changes, and also gearing the bike down by swapping the rear cassette for one which gives me 28 teeth (rather than 24) for the big hills. 

I have also changed the saddle to one which seems more comfortable and guarantees 62% more penile bloodflow.... Lets hope that comes in handy. Ideally, the very tastefully modified rain coat won't come in handy but it demonstrates the huge sponsorship budget available - the top was already ruined in a bar by some drunk colleagues, and I had to buy my own marker pen. It also demonstrates an impressive artistic ability - I am beginning to think I may be blessed with the artistic ability of Lance Armstrong. And the cycling abilities of Picasso. 

Paul: Cannondale 105 Synapse bought from Chelmer Cycles last year. Very light and a lot better than my 25yr old Rayleigh Pioneer. The gearing seems fine but after training rides the issue has been the saddle - its like sitting on a piece of tube (not long ways...) - not that I know what that is like. After all I am married with 3 kids. The saddle problem has now been solved with an Avatar 155, a gel cover and padded shorts - happy days. It offers 63% more penile blood flow which definitely won't come in handy !

My reason for riding is to raise money for cancer research in memory of my mum Audrey, who lost her battle with cancer 5 years ago after a brave and dignified fight. So if you've got some cash, hand it over ! Please.

I would also like to give a special mention to Anita (my better half) for encouraging me to do the ride and having to look after our 3 young kids for 2 weeks - I mention this because I would struggle.

With 2 weeks to go I feel as ready as I ever will be.